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Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:27–31 (NIV)
In my exhaustion and fatigue, I am waiting on you, Lord.
I am weary and weak, weary of the fight
and weak from the setbacks.
When I was a young man, I stumbled badly;
I have stumbled badly as an old man, too.
So often, I have lost sight of you, the Everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
I have made myself large and you small.
Yet, you are the one who breathed the starry hosts
from out of your mouth,
when you spoke the hundred billion galaxies into being,
the myriad of stars the “small delicate handiwork of your fingers.”
Yet, you are the one who knit me together
while I was yet in my mother’s womb.
You know the number of my days,
all of them written in your book
before any of them came into being.
You even know the number of hairs on my head.
You are anything but small!
In the quiet, I wait hopefully for you
to exchange my weakness for your strength.
I wait for the breath and wind of the Spirit,
the thermals of your grace.
Then I will soar on wings like eagles,
soaring far above final-stage metastatic cancer,
progressive heart disease,
and late-onset radiation side effects.
I can feel the wind of your grace beneath my wings,
Your fragrance all about me like rain-drenched air,
The tenderness of your breath,
caressing and comforting me in my sorrow and pain,
The taste of your Living Water in the rain falling from your heavens,
the hope of life eternal,
The sight from on high of the Son in all your glory
like a morning sunrise on the horizon,
The sound of your voice in the winds of your grace
ever beckoning me to fly higher,
Whispering to me, “I love you, Grant; just trust me.”
Bound to a walker now, unable to walk more than a block or two,
before bringing on mounting, burning, even searing pain,
No longer able to hike up into the mountains in forests deep,
nor run down again like a deer sprinting through the open spaces,
I wait expectantly for you,
to change my weakness for your strength.
I can feel the power of your grace
surging through my broken body and legs,
The deep smell of conifer forests which you designed all around me,
as I run on ways I have not known, and on unfamiliar paths,
The taste of forest-drenched air breathed deep into my lungs,
the breath of the Spirit quickening my pace,
running home into Father’s arms,
Running faster with the strength you give
to catch sight of you like a deer in the forest,
Hearing your voice like the rustling of the wind in the pines,
encouraging me upward to the mountain peaks,
where I will hear your voice,
“Well done my good and faithful servant,”
Good because of your goodness bestowed on me,
Faithful because of your faithfulness given to me,
Your servant because of the kindness of your call,
All of grace, all of you!
Weary of the near-daily severe migraine—often eight out of ten
on the Richter scale of migraine pain,
weary of cancer-treatment induced fatigue and exhaustion,
at times so severe I feel nauseous and faint,
I wait in hope of exchanging my weariness for your power.
And I find myself walking through these days,
your hand holding me up Jesus,
the grip of the Father, never letting me go,
hands from which no one can snatch my life,
The fragrance of you my Messiah,
wooing me to walk towards home,
like the smell of freshly baked bread just out of the oven,
wafting through the window of Paradise,
The sweet taste of you, the Bread of Life, in my mouth
giving me nourishment and strength in this walk called life,
The sight of your scarred and battered face,
Your eyes filled with more love than I can ever know,
an immeasurable, boundless love
surrounding me in this walk
like the air that I breathe,
Your Word reminding me to stand firm in your grace,
the only solid footing beneath my feet,
your grace my only sure standing,
The sound of your voice reminding me to walk in the Spirit,
to walk in the wild, wide-open spaces
of the freedom that He brings,
free from the burden of a cancer-poisoned life,
free from the anxiety and fear arising from progressive heart disease,
free from the worry of late-onset radiation side effects,
free to rest in faith,
free to rest in you.
I wait for you, Father,
I wait for you, Holy Spirit,
I wait for you, Jesus.
I wait in hope for you to come,
exchanging my weariness and weakness
for the power of your grace.
I am waiting, Lord.
I am waiting to soar. |
